Monday, August 6, 2012

The Absence

My temporary absence from the blogging world has been due primarily to my inability to load photos onto my blog.  I sat down a few weeks ago to blog about Elijah's 2 year old birthday party and was told by blogger that I was over my quota for photos.  I have tried again a few times to do the same post, but it is still not allowing me to post photos.  I don't really get it since I know other people who have way more photos on their blog than mine and, as far as I know, they don't pay for photo storage.  Anyway, that's why this post is going to be sans pictures and just a quick update of how things are going lately.  I still haven't decided if I'm going to try to continue this blog here or if I'm going to have to move it to another location that won't suddenly tell me I can't put photos on my blog anymore. =/

But here's what's been going on.  We had Elijah's birthday party and while it turned out okay, I was pretty disappointed because it ended up being primarily Mike's family.  Hardly any of our friends made it, none of our friends with kids came, and my mom got sick and ended up in the hospital that weekend so she wasn't able to make it either.  She's better now--at least better enough to not be in the hospital anymore and back at work.  I don't think she feels completely recovered, but at least she got to come up this past weekend and see the boys since she missed the party.

In addition, I have been having a miserable time trying to get Simon to nap during the day.  With Elijah he was a good sleeper until we quit swaddling him and then, at least, I could get him to sleep in the bouncy chair.  Nothing works consistently with Simon.  Not the crib, not the pack and play, not the swing or the bouncy chair, not even holding him or putting him in a sling and wearing him keeps him asleep when he needs to sleep.  It really is crazy-making.  The Sunday after Elijah's birthday party when the whole weekend had been a giant ball of stress and Simon wouldn't sleep no matter what and everything, in my mind, about the birthday had gone wrong, I spent pretty much the entire day crying and twice I had to put Simon down crying in his crib and go into the other room and punch a pillow because I was so frustrated and exhausted.  So my doctor concluded I have post-partum depression and put me on zoloft.  I am pretty sure I had it when I had Elijah, too, but it just wasn't diagnosed.

So then we had Simon's two month appointment where I was told he is laying on the right side of his head too much and that I need to do more tummy time with him and try to get him to lie on the other side of his head when he's on his back.  Yes, I have plenty of time to worry about tummy time with a speedy gonzalez toddler running around the house!  And she suggested we start weaning him off swaddling because he might roll over soon.  So as if sleeping wasn't enough of a problem now we're swaddling him with one arm out and trying to get him to lie on the left side of his head.

However, the big kicker came when I told her I was on zoloft.  She said that it was more important for me to take care of myself than anything else, but I did NOT like the way she reacted when I told her since Simon apparently is getting it through my breastmilk.  And I think I could go off it and do all right if I could just get him on a consistent sleeping schedule, but I don't want to just let him cry it out, especially not at two months old.  So I guess I get to pick my guilt: guilt for letting him cry to sleep or guilt for pumping him full of drugs through my milk?

Honestly I'd be willing to try some sleep training like we did with Elijah (where he cries but isn't left alone to deal with it all by himself) if he were only a couple months older.  So do I 1) feel crazy for a month and risk losing it with either child but not get him to sleep and not pump him full of drugs or, 2) pump him full of drugs but not get him to sleep or, 3) get him to sleep but not pump him full of drugs but force him to learn to sleep through crying when he's only two months old.  I don't know.  I don't have any idea what the solution is.  It is the quintessential no-win situation.

So that's what's been going on with us.  Cheery, eh?  I wish I could share some cute pictures of Simon smiling to lighten the mood but blogger is being a bitch. ::gives evil eye:: TTFN!

1 comment:

  1. I always say that I know why people shake babies and THAT is why I went on medication. I didn't get treatment after Wes and I should have.

    You are NOT pumping that baby full of drugs.
    I took Zoloft after Isaac and I can not tell you the enormous amount of mothers who are are it. It is a grace for mothers and you are not hurting him. I didn't nurse (compeletely incapable, which didn't help with the PPD) but I can name half a dozen women, that I know personally, who did nurse and were on Zoloft (or Prozac...which is also deemed safe).
    Do your best Bonnie. That's all you can do.