Thursday, July 5, 2012

It's Never Easy

The other day I started a post but I was in a really low place so it started to just sound like me throwing myself a huge pity party so I trashed the post.  It was mainly because I was ready to rip my hair out because Simon was crying all day long and nothing would calm him down except nursing.  And while I am grateful that at least I could get him to stop crying by nursing him, it is really difficult to be stuck sitting down with a baby attached to your boob when your toddler wants attention, too.  Elijah, fortunately, doesn't act out against Simon when I can't get up and play with him, but he does start acting more rambunctious, especially towards the dog, in order to get my attention.  Another thing I have to be grateful for is that our dog is such a low key pansy that he generally just walks away or accepts the clobbering, but of course that makes me feel bad that I can't protect him more from Elijah.

But back to Simon's cryfest.  Well, Monday he had his 1 month appointment and while we've had plenty of wet and dirty diapers, he apparently didn't gain very much weight.  This is somewhat upsetting because apparently all the crying was due to being hungry, but I was also glad to know what the problem was because then at least I know what I need to fix.  How to fix it is another issue, though.  While we were at the doctor he got hungry again and so I nursed him there (no small feat since they don't exactly have comfy chairs to sit in or pillows to help you hold the baby up to your chest) and afterwards the nurse weighed him again to see how much he'd consumed and I don't remember the exact number but it was apparently plenty.  Both she and the doctor were pleased with the amount.  So, thank you God, that it wasn't a matter of my milk supply.  I think it's simply that the little stinker keeps falling asleep at the breast so a lot of time he's just comfort nursing and not really consuming the milk.

What kills me is that at night he doesn't seem to have this problem.  He wakes up and nurses well and then goes back to sleep.  That leads me to think he's not getting enough sleep during the day and that's why he keeps falling asleep while nursing.  And of course, there is little to nothing I can do about the noise of Elijah goofing around.  If Simon was a bit older I could try to get him on a napping schedule so that he could nap upstairs in his crib while Elijah and I played downstairs but the napping is so erratic right now it's not feasible to put him upstairs or I'd have to be going up to get him every five minutes.

Soooo... that's where we are.  On top of that I am really stressed out about money and losing weight.  We have debt that we acquired due to junk like our garage door breaking and the hospital needing a payment before we left after we had Simon and we have other medical bills coming, I know.  I really want to be debt-free but it seems like every time I get our credit card paid down to the point where it's almost paid off, something comes up like the garage door and we can't ever get it paid off completely.  And we really need to have some work done on the house that's going to run about $4500.  We were planning on next spring doing it with Mike's Christmas bonus and our tax refund but those won't cover all of it and so we were going to have to put some of it on the card but if we can't get it paid off before then, I just don't even want to think about swimming in that mess.  And I know the debt we have is minimal compared to some other people but I just try so hard to be responsible with our money that it feels like I'm being unfairly punished.  Like I could almost accept the stupid debt if it was from our shopping sprees or elaborate vacations, but we NEVER do either of those things and we still get debt.

And then there's my lack of weight loss.  I know it took me nine months to gain all this weight so I should plan on nine months to get it all off, but when you diet and deny yourself things you want all week and then you don't lose anything, you're still at the same weight, it again feels like unfair punishment.

Well, this post wasn't supposed to be another pity party so I apologize.  I promise the next time I post I'll have fun pictures of the boys and something upbeat to talk about.  In the meantime, here's a picture of Simon saying "Word!"

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