I started writing this when I was 5 weeks pregnant but since we weren't going public with it until I got to 12 weeks, it's just now being published. It was very strange. We were trying to get pregnant again but I assumed because it took so long last time that we would have to try for awhile again. This time it only took two months. The medical reasons I believe have to do with me not going back on the pill after I had Elijah. Spiritually, though, I believe I was much more in submission to the Lord's will as to if and when we had another child than I was last time. Now the trouble is trying to maintain that submission and trust in the midst of nausea and fatigue while caring for a toddler. I know I have already failed more than once. Thank Jesus for grace!
Anyway, here's what I've been thinking about up until now.
Week 5: It's very strange to think about at this point. I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant because my only current symptoms are slight boob soreness and a lack of a period, which is my normal state of being 3/4 of the time anyway. When I was pregnant with Elijah I was nauseated from week 6 until he came out of me. Literally. I remember being in my hospital room right after he was born and thinking "Hey!! I'm not nauseous! I think I might like eating food again!" So I'm a little afraid I'm going to be majorly nauseated again in like a week and won't that be funtastic while I'm taking care of an almost-toddler? We'll see, I guess. I suppose I'll take Zofran again if I have to.
Week 6: Well, the nausea fairy has visited me once again. It's not quite as bad as last time where I was puking every morning but still not easy to take care of my one year-old while I feel like puking, even if I'm not actually doing it. Also, I fear it will get worse because it got worse the last time. I just really hope it doesn't last the entire time like it did when I was pregnant the first time.
In addition to having upset tummy, I also am now stupid and clumsy. I keep dropping things and forgetting things I normally don't forget. The other day we went out to eat and I accidentally took the receipt that I'd signed rather than the one I was supposed to take. I guess they can still use it? Maybe I should call them. Hmm... I'll ask my brother. And if this stupid relaxin hormone causes me to drop one more thing I think I'm going to start wearing velcro clothes and just sticking things to myself. That might be a good idea anyway...
Week 7: So I broke down at my first appointment and asked for zofran. Even though I'm not throwing up, it's way harder to deal with nausea when you have to take care of a one year old. I've been taking it but it only somewhat alleviates the nausea, it doesn't remove it completely. In addition, nothing sounds appetizing. So even though I'm hungry all the time, I can't find anything in my kitchen that I want to eat. And as if that weren't enough, my nose is insanely sensitive. So my dog smells like death. My sink and trash make me want to vomit and if Elijah has a poopy diaper I can smell it from across the room. And who has to change it? That's right, it's yours truly.
Week 8: Okay so why is it that I already look like I'm like 4 months pregnant when I'm not even 2 months? Either I'm pigging out way more than I should--which seems unlikely since half the time I can barely force myself to eat since I feel like puking all the time--or something else is going on. I guess it's just that Elijah ruined my figure and now it will never be the same. And now that baby #2 is on the way, stuff is less tight and starting to make me into a tub of lard before it should. *sigh* Oh well. Baby #2 is due to be born right before my birthday so I'll just ask for a subscription to Weight Watchers for my birthday.
Note: Ordinarily it is a very very BAD idea to give a woman a gym membership or a subscription to WW or anything along those lines as a gift. The only exception is if she specifically asks for it and not in a casual "maybe I should get a gym membership..." way. Be certain she uses the words "For [my birthday, Christmas, etc.] I want [gym membership, thigh master, WW subscription, etc.]." Just in case there are any men reading this, wanted to make sure this didn't lead to a very bad idea and many nights sleeping on the couch. ;)
Week 9: So lately I have been meditating a lot on trusting the Lord completely in all things. This is a major difficulty for me because I am such a looney control freak (just ask my husband). And I have been spotting a lot, which is freaking me out. I spotted when I was pregnant with Elijah so I keep trying to tell myself not to worry because it's normal and it's not like I'm crampy or gushing blood or anything but it's still nerve-wracking. The most difficult part of it is that if I were to have a miscarriage, there's nothing I can do to prevent it. You know they give you that mile-long list of how to avoid SIDS but miscarriage is a complete mystery most of the time and there's nothing you can do to cause or prevent it (unless it's something like a car accident). In other words, it's completely in the Lord's hands and I can't do anything to prevent it. All I can do is pray. Pray that God would allow me to carry this child to term and have it and, in some ways more importantly, pray that he would give me a calm heart--a heart that trusts that whatever happens it is for his good purposes. I really don't like that prayer. I want things to go the way I want them to go. How much of a toddler do I sound like?
Week 11: So I haven't felt as nauseated this week, but I have a stupid cold so I'm not sure if the nausea is really abating or if it's just taken a back seat to the cold discomfort, which includes a headache that won't end. (Tylenol sucks!) I hope it stays gone once I recover from this cold. The fatigue of being pregnant wasn't enough I guess and now the cold is making me feel run down, too. So all I want to do is sleep. Pretty easy when you're chasing around a toddler that can now walk unassisted and likes to climb on everything, including me. I am starting to wish I could go to bed at 7:30 like Elijah does. Of course, he is sleeping so much better now that I think I'm probably getting spoiled since in June we're going to be back to waking up every two hours for the new little one. I'll just try to pack in all the rest I can until then, I guess. Night night.
Week 12: Nausea is back. It was only masked by the cold. Now I wish I had my cold back.
So we have reached the beginning of week 13. Second trimester. When 90% of women start to feel better. How did my day start? Well, first I threw up for the first time this pregnancy. Then at church I nearly fainted and had to lie down on the floor in the big middle of the entrance to the sanctuary where everyone gets to see! If I wasn't humble at church before, I was after that. I guess there's no keeping my dignity when it comes to this pregnancy thing. I fainted in church when I was pregnant with Elijah, too. That time I wasn't out in the open for everyone to see, but I spilled the tea I was drinking and so all the people sitting near me got to watch my demise. Lovely. Oh well. At least I go to church with wonderful, gracious people who were just concerned about my health and didn't make me feel any stupider than I already felt.
However, this just leads me to conclude that I am most likely not going to have a different experience with this pregnancy; I will just be nauseated all nine months like last time. Hooray. I just hope this isn't an omen that everything is going to go exactly the same as last time because I don't want another c-section and I don't want to have to spend an entire week in the hospital again because the baby loses too much weight. Ugh! Prayer, calm, Bonnie, God is in control.
Anywho, I have sonogram pictures but my scanner isn't working so I can't get them on here. Sorry. Instead, here's a picture of my fat belly. Yes, I really am only 3 months pregnant. I just ate before I took this picture so some of it is food baby.