The Sound and the Fury

So even though I was an English major in college, I never actually read that book, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it was not about a stay-at-home mom trying desperately not to make the same sleep blunders with her second baby that she did with her first and having little success because her older child keeps getting in the way.  But that's what my story is about.

Raise the roof

You can probably read earlier blogs and get a fuller idea of my difficulties getting Elijah to sleep.  One big problem is that he was so used to being swaddled that when we had to abruptly stop swaddling him, he couldn't adjust to lying down and going to sleep without the swaddler.  That isn't the current problem with Simon.  As soon as he loses that Moro reflex, I am going to start weaning him off swaddling, but we're not there yet.

 Tummy time

The other problem I had with Elijah is the same one I am now having with Simon--it takes 20 flipping minutes to get him to go to sleep during the day for a nap and then he only sleeps for 30 minutes.  It makes no sense to me that he can sleep for 3 to 4 hours at night but then during the day, he can only nap for 30 minutes.  I have read tons of stuff and I know that 30 minutes is a sleep cycle, but if he can put himself back to sleep after a cycle at night, then why not during the day?  I'm assuming part of the problem is that he is used to going to sleep in my arms and then being put down.  And all the sleep experts tell you to put them down drowsy but awake, but with both my boys all that ever did was cause them to wake all the way back up.  I've been trying to get Simon to fall asleep on his back in bed (either his crib or the pack and play bassinet downstairs) but this where Elijah throws a wrench in the works.

Mike's old Daniel Boone cap

See, I am willing to take the time to "train" Simon to fall asleep in his crib or pack and play by picking him up and soothing him and then putting him back down until he learns.  I happen to know it works because I have managed it a few times in the pack and play while Elijah is napping.  But this will take a long time at first until he gets it and it's impossible to just buckle down and put in the time it takes when you have a toddler running around making a ton of noise.  I could go upstairs and shut Elijah out of the room but that usually upsets him, like he thinks he's being punished.  Plus, I don't like being unable to see what Elijah is doing for longer than like 2-3 seconds.  That's how you wind up with crayola walls.  However, I can't do it with Elijah present because he makes too much noise for Simon to fall asleep and after awhile I get fed up.  But something's gotta give because right now Simon is demanding so much of my attention because he's fussy all day because... drum roll please... he's not getting enough sleep!

What a merry-go-round.  Actually, I guess "merry" isn't a good adjective.  More like a crazy-go-round.  For most things I just think we just have to make it until Simon is a little older.  But if the sleep habits start bad now then it's going to be way harder to fix them later--I know from experience.  *sigh*  Well Simon is asleep now and if it wouldn't wake him up, I'd probably go bang my head against the wall, but I don't want to wake up the kids.

Elijah Language 104

Pool
pih = pig
duh = duck
ah-ooh = apple
sit (this usually sounds like there's an "h" in between the "s" and the "i" but whatever)
clock (sounds like the "l" is removed)
how = house
yeehaw
cow
fow-wah = flower
ah-ja-ja = alligator
tow = towel
puh-poo = purple

And here's the chunky monkey to round it off.

 At least I think he's chunking up finally.

It's Never Easy

The other day I started a post but I was in a really low place so it started to just sound like me throwing myself a huge pity party so I trashed the post.  It was mainly because I was ready to rip my hair out because Simon was crying all day long and nothing would calm him down except nursing.  And while I am grateful that at least I could get him to stop crying by nursing him, it is really difficult to be stuck sitting down with a baby attached to your boob when your toddler wants attention, too.  Elijah, fortunately, doesn't act out against Simon when I can't get up and play with him, but he does start acting more rambunctious, especially towards the dog, in order to get my attention.  Another thing I have to be grateful for is that our dog is such a low key pansy that he generally just walks away or accepts the clobbering, but of course that makes me feel bad that I can't protect him more from Elijah.

But back to Simon's cryfest.  Well, Monday he had his 1 month appointment and while we've had plenty of wet and dirty diapers, he apparently didn't gain very much weight.  This is somewhat upsetting because apparently all the crying was due to being hungry, but I was also glad to know what the problem was because then at least I know what I need to fix.  How to fix it is another issue, though.  While we were at the doctor he got hungry again and so I nursed him there (no small feat since they don't exactly have comfy chairs to sit in or pillows to help you hold the baby up to your chest) and afterwards the nurse weighed him again to see how much he'd consumed and I don't remember the exact number but it was apparently plenty.  Both she and the doctor were pleased with the amount.  So, thank you God, that it wasn't a matter of my milk supply.  I think it's simply that the little stinker keeps falling asleep at the breast so a lot of time he's just comfort nursing and not really consuming the milk.

What kills me is that at night he doesn't seem to have this problem.  He wakes up and nurses well and then goes back to sleep.  That leads me to think he's not getting enough sleep during the day and that's why he keeps falling asleep while nursing.  And of course, there is little to nothing I can do about the noise of Elijah goofing around.  If Simon was a bit older I could try to get him on a napping schedule so that he could nap upstairs in his crib while Elijah and I played downstairs but the napping is so erratic right now it's not feasible to put him upstairs or I'd have to be going up to get him every five minutes.

Soooo... that's where we are.  On top of that I am really stressed out about money and losing weight.  We have debt that we acquired due to junk like our garage door breaking and the hospital needing a payment before we left after we had Simon and we have other medical bills coming, I know.  I really want to be debt-free but it seems like every time I get our credit card paid down to the point where it's almost paid off, something comes up like the garage door and we can't ever get it paid off completely.  And we really need to have some work done on the house that's going to run about $4500.  We were planning on next spring doing it with Mike's Christmas bonus and our tax refund but those won't cover all of it and so we were going to have to put some of it on the card but if we can't get it paid off before then, I just don't even want to think about swimming in that mess.  And I know the debt we have is minimal compared to some other people but I just try so hard to be responsible with our money that it feels like I'm being unfairly punished.  Like I could almost accept the stupid debt if it was from our shopping sprees or elaborate vacations, but we NEVER do either of those things and we still get debt.

And then there's my lack of weight loss.  I know it took me nine months to gain all this weight so I should plan on nine months to get it all off, but when you diet and deny yourself things you want all week and then you don't lose anything, you're still at the same weight, it again feels like unfair punishment.

Well, this post wasn't supposed to be another pity party so I apologize.  I promise the next time I post I'll have fun pictures of the boys and something upbeat to talk about.  In the meantime, here's a picture of Simon saying "Word!"

Elijah Language 103

sah = sock
faw = frog
soo = shoe
two
ah! ee! = uh oh
Certain letters = A, B ("bee" can also refer to any bug he sees), C, D, E, I, O, P, Q, R, T, V, Z
Pie
boo = blue
ee! = eat
pay = plane
ha = hat
koh = squirrel
how = house
pea = please

Playing in the Sprinkler

Mike's mom got Elijah a funny elephant sprinkler and yesterday we tried it out.

Got some water in the face.

Up the nose!

The State of Things

So it's been two weeks now and today is the first day I am home by myself with the boys.  The first week we came home my mom stayed with us and then last week Mike took Monday through Wednesday off and this his mom took off Thursday and Friday to help me.  Mike was going to take off Monday through Wednesday this week but his boss needed him to run an errand in Omaha today so instead he's taking Tuesday through Thursday and then we'll be on our own again Friday.

So far it hasn't been too bad.  The most difficult thing is feeling like I'm neglecting one child while tending to another.  For instance, I can't do much for Elijah if I'm sitting for thirty minutes at a time nursing Simon.  And when he's not nursing, Simon has been spending a lot of time sleeping in the froggy vibrating chair (which, by the way, is probably the best baby item we have--Elijah loved it when he was this small and now Simon loves it, too) so that I can still spend time playing with Elijah--or at least keep him from clobbering the dog.  It's making me wonder if it's even possible to have two children without feeling like you're neglecting one of them.

Simon sleeps decently most nights.  It's both a good and a bad thing.  When he sleeps enough that I manage to get at least 6-7 hours (even if it's non-consecutive) then I can't seem to make myself nap in the afternoon simply because I can't fall asleep.  But by the end of the day I am totally exhausted and, of course, can't look forward to 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  But that's the nature of the beast, of course.  Last night was pretty good because he would sleep for 3-hour intervals.  That I can do gladly.  The longer the interval of sleep, the less tired I am.  But of course it doesn't always work like that.  Mike seems to think it's no big deal but then he gets up for five minutes to change a diaper.  I have to be up for 20-30 minutes at a time to nurse him.  It's a little different.

Speaking of nursing, the booger was giving me such fits at first with the latching that I broke down and started using the nipple shields again.  At the hospital they got him to latch well a few times but then I couldn't seem to recreate it at home.  I mean, I am fairly certain I was doing it correctly, but he was so frantically hungry that he wouldn't cooperate.  So I gave in and started using the shields again.  I don't want to have to use them as long this time as I did with Elijah but I think I'll just resign myself to my prosthetic nipple until we get a better rhythm and routine down.  When I was fighting him so much to get him to latch, it was not only making him crazy and probably causing him to burn more calories than he was consuming, but it was making me insane, too.  Plus, I would fight him so long that once he got latched I would just let him nurse even if it was a bad latch and then wind up with bleeding and bruised nipples.  So those are my excuses for taking the easy way out. *sigh*

On a high note, though, I feel like I have pretty much recovered physically from the birth, at least 95%.  This may not seem like a big deal to many people, but 2 weeks to recover is phenomenal to me when last time I don't think I felt this physically better for like 3-4 months.  It makes me want to shout the praises of VBAC (and vaginal birth in general) from the mountaintops, but there are no mountains around where I live (the best I could do is the Flint Hills) and I'm sure even if there were mountains, people would think me insane.  So instead I'll just blog about the massive advantages I see in vaginal birth over caesarian since I have experienced both.

Aside from the massively decreased recovery time, I also was able to lift both children within the first week after the birth.  When I had Elijah, I couldn't even pick up his little 8-poiund body for weeks.  I had to have someone hand him to me.  This time I could even lift Elijah as he is now (which is, I'm guessing, around 25-30 pounds).  Also, when I had the C, I was on heavy duty painkillers, which I really believe got into my milk and made Elijah a lot more sleepy at first which was why he lost so much weight in the hospital despite my efforts to get him to eat.  Simon isn't perfect with nursing (as I've mentioned) but he at least has stayed awake enough to keep his weight up because I haven't had to take anything stronger than ibuprofen and I'm not even taking that anymore because I don't need it.

Additionally, when I had Elijah, I had to wait like a day or so before I could even get out of bed and use the bathroom because when they do the C, they give you a permanent catheter, whereas when I did the VBAC, I had an epidural but they only cathed me like once or twice during labor to relieve my bladder, so it wasn't still in me when the birth was over.  I just had to wait until I could feel my legs again well enough to walk to the bathroom.  Another thing is when I first got to shower after the birth, with Elijah I couldn't bend over to dry my legs so I had to have my mom come in to help me with that.  With Simon I was able to dry and dress my entire body.

Now I don't want anyone to think I'm judging anyone who has their children by c-section (that would be absurd since I had to have one with my first kiddo), even multiple c-sections or elective c-sections.  Each woman should choose whatever works best for your family and situation.  I just think that people should make informed choices and since I happen to have experienced both ways of giving birth, I highly suggest vaginal delivery if you're able to get there.  I wasn't able to my first time so I know it isn't always possible even if you do everything the "right" way.  Sometimes things just don't go as you plan--and when it comes to labor, you should probably assume that nothing will go according to plan (it's a preparation for parenting, I think).  As long as you wind up with a healthy baby and mother then it's a success.

More Post Birth Pics

Here are some more pictures from just after Simon's birth.  Enjoy!